the purpose

another period of wait and struggle with my lazy nature with just sitting and starring in endless realms of my mind where story after story materializes. asking questions and what if scenarios drown my sense of reality and gets my spiraling thoughts of worry and concern for my close ones and many times for the people in general…

i know my overall purpose of life thankfully but don’t know the specifics. as the purpose i know is all encompassing and mercifully allows for much.

my mind is tired of uncertainty and fear of losing loved ones and i know i am not in control. there is no sense of security and certainty. the time passed by so quick i thought i always had time to prepare.

i wanted to build an impenetrable fortress with freedom to fly anywhere within and without this world. self-sufficient in every way where me and my loved ones will live forever… Or at-least the times that would remain forever till I die before anyone of the others. future brought a lot of freedom but took away the age of my loved ones. if i knew such steep costs i wouldn’t have grown. unfortunately, my end is not in my hands.

but then my purpose is known to me then why fight. perhaps if i was taught the loved ones will not remain forever and nothing will i would have taken the last three decades to grow-up accepting this inevitable fact.

i am weak and need constant support and words of reassurance of my purpose. the volatility of my thoughts tires me. endless thoughts and lethargic pace of physical realm drains my energy. i could always read and learn new things and increase my skills, i suppose more positive way of looking at things. this would be more productive.

i should not rely on people, close ones or just friends as none can be expected to get me any security. i don’t know the One who provides ultimate security has plans for me. i hope He does